Marriage Season is upon Us !

Election Commission will announce the results of Lok Sabha elections on 16th May

And , declare open the Marriage Season

Marriages of convenience - no doubt  !

Both , NDA and UPA will fall short of absolute majority , by 50 - 100 seats

Floor Managers and Business Brokers will swing into action to weave a complex web of Mergers and Acquisitions ( M & A  )

Independent candidates will offer themselves for Rs 50 Crores

(  Remember the movie , " Dulhaa  Beekta  Hain "  ?  )

Party offices of smaller parties will carry the banners ,

"  Sale  !  Sale  !  

{  Except that this is not , a  " Going out of Business "  sale

It is a ,  " Getting into Business "   sale  !  },

We are selling honesty , integrity , honour , conscience , morals , ethics , self-respect , party-name  etc . You name it - we got it  !

Here are our going " Market Rates " :

* For 10 seat support................. 2 seats of  Minister of State

* For 20 seat support ...............  2 seats of  Cabinet Minister

* For 30 seat support ..............   Minister of Industry + Minister of Trade "

Yesterday's sworn enemies ( who wanted to dispatch you to Pakistan or jump into Indian ocean ) , will suddenly become " Bosom Friends "

" Enemy of enemy " will cease to be a friend

" Friend of a Friend " who sells-out to opposition , will become an enemy !

Like the annual ritual of the Jain Community ( Kshamapana ), saleable Dulhaas , will beg  Kshamaa ( forgiveness )  of everyone they abused during the past one year

They are chanting :

*  Let us forget the insults and forgive each other

*  Let us not be vindictive and let loose the " Caged Parrot " / ED  etc

*  Let us work as a team to quadruple our assets ala Jamaai-Raja

*  Let us reward the people who voted us to power , with "Broken Promises"

*  Let the  "  Winter-of-Conflict "  be over on 12th May

*  Let the  " Summer -of - Swindle "  begin on 16th May

PEOPLE  OF  INDIA ,

Is it any surprise that the " Greatest Circus on the Earth " is followed by the " Weirdest  Horse-trading on the Earth "  ?

And even if you don't like horses , don't insult other animals such as Dogs , Monkeys , Rats , Elephants etc , by naming this trade after them  !

You are damned if you vote : damned if you don't  !

   hemen  parekh  (  04  May  2014  /  Mumbai  )

  

What would they name it ?

Mahatma Gandhi named his autobiography ,

"  My  Experiments  with  Truth  "

If some of our politicians were to author their own biography ( - even if actually written by ghost writers ) , what would they name it  ?

Here is my guess  :

>  Man Mohan Singh...............     In Search of Silence

>  Sonia Gandhi....................     The Guns are Booming

>  Robert Vadra ( Kin-politico )..  From landless to landlord in 40 days

>  Suresh Kalmadi...................  The Game Theory

>  Pawan Bansal  ....................  Toofaan  Mail

>  Shriprakash Jaiswal.............   The Dark Matter Underground

>  Ashwini Kumar....................  Superior to Supreme

>  Kapil Sibal..........................  Two-timing Lawyer

>  P Chidambaram..................   Re-Count  to  Re-Instate

>  Kamal Nath ......................    A Road Less Travelled

>  Prafulla Patel.....................    Gone with the Wind

>  A Raja.............................     Last Come , First Served

>  Dayanidhi Maran.................  Quid- pro- Quo

>  Kanimozi...........................   Father Knows Best

>  Jayalalithaa........................  Heaven - for those who touch my feet

>  Mamta Banerjee................    The Triumph of the Lawless

>  Narendra Modi..................... Gujarat - that is India

>  Arvind Kejriwal.................... AK-49 and lesser Weapons


>  Mayawati......................     Maya and Maya-Jaal

Feel free to add to the list

In case they decide to come out with their biographies , one thing is certain

Royalty percentage will need to be the same - or more - than the percentages that they are used to get so far  !

And , the branding rights will be sold separately  !

What with the way current Lok Sabha elections are going , most of these Netas will have plenty of time on hand to pen their travails  !

Don't miss the next year's Jaipur Literature Festival 

*  hemen  parekh  (  30 April 2014 / Mumbai )

Bribing The Voters

Retired Chief Election Commissioner , S Y Quraishi , is all set to release his book ,

"  The Undocumented Wonder : The Making of the Great Indian Election "

Talking to DNA ( 15 April 2014 ) he listed some 40 different ways in which , Political Parties try to bribe voters

Some of these are :

>   Cash

>   Depositing money in voter's bank account

>   Liquor Bottles

>  LPG Cylinders

>  Free Rice / Food Packets

>  Payments of Electricity / Water Bills

>  Mass Feasts

>  Screening of films

>  Laptops / Tablets

>  Bicycles

>  Mangal Sutras

>  Gold Coins

>  Buffalos

>  Colour TV

>  Mixer - Grinder

>  Unemployment Allowance

>  Waiver of loans

>  Free Houses ......etc

Political Parties are happy that Mr Quarishi , being an honest / straight forward person , could imagine only 10 % of  the ways of bribing voters  !

And who cares that the EC has managed to seize a meager Rs 300 crores worth of cash so far during the current season , when all of the Rs 40,000 Crores worth of black money ( @ Rs 5 crores per candidate * 8,000 candidates ) , has escaped un-noticed ( looking other way ? ) by ,

>  Income Tax Department

>  Enforcement Directorate

>  CAG / CVC

>  Election Commission.....etc

Even the almighty Supreme Court seemed helpless , when it held recently :

"  Although promises of distribution of freebies may not technically constitute  corrupt practice , under the Representation of People Act , they vitiate the electoral process by influencing voters and disturbing the level playing between contesting parties "

And since there is no difference of opinion between the political parties when it comes to exploiting the poverty of 400 million BPL ( Below the Poverty Line ) voters , I would not be surprised if the next government at the Centre , introduces a  ,

 "  Bribe ( given ) Politically ( is ) Legal ( BPL ) Bill "

 in the very first session of 16th Lok Sabha  !

Expect it to be passed unanimously - and without a debate  !

Political parties are firm believer of what Kaushik Basu ( onetime advisor to PM ) once said ( - although in a different context ) ,

"  Giving bribe must not be treated as crime

   Ordinary citizens are forced to give bribes when they are denied , service that is legitimately due to them

If they are held innocent , they will come forward and report all instances when they were forced to bribe bureaucrats

Only bribe-takers must be punished  "

*  hemen parekh  (  28 April 2014 / Mumbai  )

  

As the Sun Rises

As the sun rises on 27th April , the epic battle of Lok Sabha elections will resume

In today's battle , what arrows will the mighty warriors shoot at each other ?

Here is my guess :

>  Narendra Modi will hurl the weapons of ,

    #   Corruption of UPA - 2

    #   Dubious land deals of Jijaji

    #   Declining  GDP .... etc

>   The  FAMILY  will retaliate with ,

     #   Snoop-gate

     #   Godhra riots

     #   Communal policies of BJP...  etc

>   Baba Ramdev

     #   Black Money

>   Sundry Netas

      #   Choicest Abuses ( Blunderer / Plunderer / Murderer ..etc )

By the time the Warriors retire to respective camps by sunset , in the PRECEEDING 24 HOURS , 4383 children ( below 5 years ) would have died due to starvation ( 1,600,000 per year )

But how can "  Reducible Deaths " be made , an Election Issue  ?

So , why talk about deaths due to malnutrition or for the following causes ?

>   Malaria.............................. 10,98,000

>   Cancer...............................   7,32,000

>   HIV..................................     6,83,200

>   Suicide .............................    4,88,000

>   Road Accidents  .................    3,66,000

>   Snake bites  ........................  7,32,000

Or  about millions of Indians dying  PREMATURE DEATH every year , due to :

>  Water and Air Pollution

>  Dowry ( Bride burning )

>  Child Labour

>  Occupational Hazards ( Chemical / Coal / Cement industries )

>  Miscarriage / Abortions / Pregnancy deaths

>  Smoking / Tobacco chewing

>  Junk Food / Adulterated Food

>  Daru ( liquor ) laced with ethyl alcohol

>  Fake Medicines............................etc

And how can you hold MPs / MLAs , responsible for keeping 28.7 Crores of Indians illiterate ( 37 % of World's illiterate ), 66 years after independence  ?

PEOPLE  OF  INDIA ,

What will kill you / me , is of no consequence to our politicians  !

They seem to be saying ,

"   What can we do  ?

   On the EVM of Yamaraaj , there is no NOTA button  !  "

*  hemen  parekh  (  27 April 2014 / Mumbai )

A Software Powerhouse ?

A   Software  Powerhouse  ?

Yesterday , when I went to polling booth , there was a chaos , with a number of people complaining that their names were missing from the Electoral Rolls ( Voter Lists )

As per news-reports , in Mumbai alone , some 50,000 people returned home without casting their votes - including Deepak Parekh  ! Altogether , names of some 15 lakh voters ( out of a total of 98 lakh ) were missing  !

Then there are some 300 million people who will simply won't walk down to the nearest polling booths , and wait for 1 hour to cast their votes ( - assuming that some 40 % of the 814 million eligible voters do not exercise their right to vote )

WHY  ?

Going out to vote is becoming a big hassle

COULD  IT  BE  OTHERWISE  ?

Sure , if Central Government and the Election Commission care to implement my suggestion for developing a mobile App for voting .  I called it , VotesApp

 see .. hemenparekh.in/2013/08/votesapp.html  

Or , just type in Google , " VotesApp "

HOW  WILL  IT  HELP  ?

>  No need for 930,000 polling booths / EVMs / Ink / Papers etc

    Every voter's own mobile becomes a miniature EVM  !

    Any registered Voter can vote from anywhere in the World  !

>  Nor any need to deploy 1,100,000 people to conduct the polls

>  No need for millions of Police / Military personnel

>  No need for months of advance preparations, across entire country

>  Voting can be completed in just ONE day - instead of over 6 weeks -

    and results can be declared next day  !

>  Voting could be 95 % or more  !

>  No worry for booth-capture

>  No  bogus voting ( Bio-metric ID from built-in camera )

>  No duplicate voting ( Self-destruct after single usage )

>  No worry for any terrorist attacks

>  Enormous saving of time for Voters

>  No need to declare a public holiday - costing thousands of crores

     worth of production

>  Central Government will save, at least , Rs 2,000 Crores .

     If business-friendly BJP government comes to power , it would not

    hesitate to earn Rs 20,000 crores , by enabling 15 million Indian

    businesses to advertise to 814 million voters , thru this mobile VotesApp -

    sharply targeting by Gender / Age / Marital Status / City / Street /

    Education / Income Tax paid / Employed or Jobless ..etc

>  No need for Central Government to stop taking even routine decisions

If a tiny country like Estonia ( population 1.6 million ) can elect its Members of Parliament thru a VotesApp type mobile App , why can't we  ?

Already 900+ million Indians have mobiles - all of which , will soon become Smart Phones

And we call our country , a " Software Powerhouse "  !

*   hemen  parekh  ( 25 April 2014 / Mumbai ) 

Wrong Business ?

Talking about Narendra Modi's " Crony Capitalism " , Rahul Gandhi said ,

"  During 12 years of NaMo's rule in Gujarat , Gautam Adani's companies '

assets  ( or did he mean , Market Cap  ?  or Revenue  ?  it does not matter )

went up from Rs 3000 crores to Rs 40,000 crores  "

That is a CAGR ( Compounded Annual Growth Rate ) of 25 %

Now look at the assets declared by the Congress Candidates of the current Lok Sabha elections ( Let us not inquire re:  Undeclared Assets !  )

Within 5 years ( from 2009 to 2014 ) , the average assets of these Congressmen , went up from Rs 4.87 crores to Rs 54.38 crores  !

That is a CAGR of 62  %  !

So , which is a better business  ?

>  Building Nation by  building Ports , Power Stations , Infrastructure etc  ?

OR

>  Fooling Nation by robbing its precious natural resources , such

     Spectrum , Coal , Gas , Minerals , etc  ?

>   Not revealing the names of 50 individuals who have stashed away black

     money in German Banks - and whose names , German Government has

     provided 3 years back ?

>   Promoting " Crony Relative-ism " when it comes to buying government

      land for Rs 1 lakh / hectare and selling for Rs 100 lakhs / hectare  ?

Gautambhai ,

Obviously , you are in the wrong business  !

Switch over to sycophancy  !

Enjoy a CAGR of 200 %  !

Then , like late Babu Jagjivan Ram , don't file your Income Tax Return for next 10 years - and , if reminded , say , " I just forgot "  !

*   hemen  parekh  (  24  April  2014  /  Mumbai  )

What Could Arvind Do ?

After 49 days in office , Arvind Kejriwal resigned as CM of Delhi

Some people say , he is a " Bhagoda " ( an absconder ), who ran away from his responsibility to people of Delhi

Now , if you were AK , what would you have done , if you were faced with the following situation ?

>   You have promised to people of Delhi , to root-out corruption

>   To this end , you have promised to pass Jan Lok Pal Bill

>   Business Rules of Central Government say , Delhi Government CANNOT

     introduce any bill which has financial implication / burden , without first

     seeking OK from the Lieutenant Governor ( LG ) to introduce the bill

>   Business Rules are " Un-Constitutional " , as per eminent jurists

>   But Congress Government at Centre , was NOT willing to drop these

     rules , despite a written request from Delhi Government

>   LG had no power to give a go-bye to the rules . His only option was to

     reject the introduction of the bill , if it was referred to him

>   Knowing this too well , Congress / BJP ganged up and insisted that

     AK must , first refer the bill to LG and introduce it in Assembly , only if

     approved by LG

Did Arvind have any option other than to resign  ?

Now suppose , he throws up his hands and tells people of Delhi ,

"  What can I do  ? 

   I tried my best but BJP / Congress would not let me introduce the bill ,

   citing some un-constitutional rules

   Jan Lok Pal Bill must wait till ,

  *  AAP comes to power at the Centre and drops those Business Rules

     ( I admit , this is a most unlikely scenario ! )

   *  AAP government at Centre grants full Statehood to Delhi

   So , I have decided to forget the whole matter and continue as CM  "

Those very same people would have said ,

"  What business you have to continue as CM , if you cannot fulfill your   

   promises  ?

   You are no different than those power-hungry politicians of BJP / Congress

   If you have any shame left , you must resign immediately  "

DEAR  ARVIND ,

Kuchh to log Kahenge

Logo ka kaam hain kahena

Chhodo ye bekaar ki baante

Kahin bit naa jaye rainaa  (- I mean , Mat-Ganana  !  )

*   hemen  parekh  (  22 April 2014  /  Mumbai  )